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MUSIC  LIB. 
ML 


THE  LIBRARY 

OF 

THE  UNIVERSITY 

OF  CALIFORNIA 

LOS  ANGELES 


LIBRETTO  AND  LYRICS   ONLY 


Yokohama  Maid 

A  Japanese  Comic  Operetta  in 
Two  Acts 


Written  and  Composed  by 
ARTHUR  A.  PENN 


Vocal  Score  and  Libretto,  complete  $1.50 
Separate  Vocal  Numbers,  each  .  .       »30 

Orchestra   Parts   for   hire  only  to  parties  having 
obtained  publishers'    permission  for    performance. 


Copyright  MCMXV,  by 
M.  WITMARK  &  SONS 

NEW  YORK 

International  Copyright   Secured 


I  YOKOHAMA    MAID 


CAST. 

*TAKASI  (baritone)    The  Herald  of  Kybosho 

MUVON  Yu  (baritone  or  bass) A  Policeman 

Ah  No  (tenor) A  Chinese  Laundryman  from  the  U.  S.  A. 

FATEDDO  (baritone)    Mayor  of  Kybosho 

KNOGUDI   (tenor)    His  Secretary 

*HARRY  CoRTCASE  (light  baritone)    An  American  Lawyer 

O  SlNG-A-SoNG  (soprano)    A  Japanese  Heiress 

KlSSIMEE  (mezzo-soprano)    Her  Companion 

Tung-Waga  (contralto) An  Elderly  Nurse 

HlLDA,  STELLA  (mezzo-soprano)    :  .  .  .American  Tourists 

CHORUS  of  Japanese  Men  and  Maidens,  Wedding  Guests,  Etc. 

(*  If  required,  the  parts  of  Takasi  and  Harry  Cortcase  may  be  played 
by  the  same  performer.) 

Act  I.  Garden  of  O  Sing-a-Song's  House  in  the  suburbs  of  Yokohama. 
Afternoon. 

(Two  Years  Elapse) 

Act  II.     Grounds  of  the  Mayor's  Residence  at  Kybosho.     Afternoon. 

(Note — The  same  stage  setting  may,  if  found  advisable,  be  used  for 
both  Acts  I  and  II.  If  this  is  done,  a  few  slight  changes  should  be  made  in  the 
setting  of  Act  II,  such  as  the  introduction  of  artificial  festoons  of  cherry  blossoms, 
lanterns,  etc.,  and  perhaps  a  tree  extra  in  the  centre  background.) 

Time — The  Present. 


MUSICAL  NUMBERS. 

Act  I. 

1.  THE  HERALD'S  SONG  (Takasi) "Listen,  O  Ye  People" 

2.  CHORUS "O  Sing-a-Song  is  Sweet  Sixteen" 

3.  SONG  (Tung-Waga) .  .  ."All  Wrinkled  is  the  Yellow  Cheek" 

4.  CHORUS "Sing  a  Song  as  Sing-a-Song  Approaches" 

5.  DUET  (Kissimee  and  Knogudi)    "When  Maiden  Falls  in  Love" 

6.  SONG  (Sing-a-Song)    "When  a  Maidens  Sweet  Sixteen" 

7.  DUET  (Sing-a-Song  and  Fateddo)   "/  Shall  Be  Proud" 

8.  FINALE. 

Act  II. 

9.  OPENING  CHORUS "Waiting  Expectantly)" 

9a.  RECIT.  AND  SOLO  (Muvon  Yu) "Attention,  Ye!" 

9b.  CHORUS "Here  Comes  the  Mayor!" 

10.  SONG  (Ah  No)  "Suki  Tong" 

\  1 .  SONG  (Sing-a-Song)    "Back  Again  to  Old  Japan" 

12.  DUET  (Sing-a-Song  and  Fateddo), 

"Oh,  What  Is  a  Maiden  To  Do  To-Day?" 

13.  BALLAD  (Harry)    "A  Heart  Once  Went" 

13a.  QUARTETTE  (Harry,  Sing-a-Song,  Hilda  and  Stella). 

"And  Thus,  You  See" 
13b.  CHORUS "Our  Hearts  Are  Wrung' 

14.  TRIO  (Sing-a-Song,  Harry  and  Fateddo), 

"1  Am  the  Mayoress  of  Dollar svitte" 

1 5.  SEXTETTE  AND  FINALE .  .  .  "Wedding  Bells  Will  Soon  Be  Ringing 


•» 


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ie  Library 
YOKOHAMA    MAID  ^f^faH 


COSTUMES. 

TakaSI.     Dark  blue  and  gold  kimono,  with  sash.    Should  also  carry  a  staff* 

MUVON  Yu.  White  duck  costume,  double-breasted  coat  with  brass  buttons;  flat 
•    cap  with  a  visor. 

Ah  No.  Characteristic  costume  of  a  Chinese  laundryman  as  seen  in  America, 
— half  Chinese,  half  American.     Bald  wig  with  queue. 

FaTEDDO.  Elaborate  Japanese  kimono  costume,  modelled  along  that  of  Pooh-Bah 
in  "The  Mikado."  This  part,  if  played  by  a  large,  heavily-built  person, 
will  be  so  much  the  more  effective. 

KNOGUDI.     Light  blue  kimono  with  quiet  design;  sash,  etc. 

HARRY  Cortcase.  Neat  American  costume;  Panama  or  straw  hat;  white 
trousers,  dark  blue  coat;  cane. 

O  SlNG-A-SoNG.  Is*  Act:  Regulation  Japanese  girl's  costume,  with  plenty  of 
coloring  to  suit  the  performer's  taste.  2nd  Act:  Stylish  American  cos- 
tume, preferably  white,  with  hat,  shoes,  etc.,  to  match. 

KlSSIMEE.  \st  Act:  Regulation  Japanese  tea-girl  costume.  2nd  Ad:  Up- 
to-date  American  apparel,  but  quiet. 

Tung-Waga.  \st  Act:  Costume  similar  to  that  worn  by  Katisha  in  "The 
Mikado."  2nd  Act:  Extravagant  American  clothes,  very  flashy,  particu- 
larly the  hat. 

HILDA,  Stella.  Neat  tailor-made  suits,  or  any  smart  American  gowns,  with 
tasteful' hats,  shoes  and  gloves.     Parasols. 

WlGS.  All  the  male  characters  should  wear  the  regulation  Japanese  wigs,  unless 
their  hair  be  dark.  Fateddo's  wig  should  be  such  as  to  make  him  at  least 
half  bald.  The  women's  wigs,  particularly  in  the  case  of  those  performers 
whose  own  hair  is  light,  are  of  the  regular  Japanese  model. 


IMS 


To  successfully  interpret  the  various  parts  the  following  suggestions  thouffi  be  ZQT8- 
futly  noted. 

Takasi.    A  dignified  character,  well  set-up  and  graceful. 

MlJVON-Yu.  Can  be  any  height,  but  should  be  short  rather  than  other- 
wise.    An  easy-going,  shuffling  kind  of  officer. 

Ah  No.  Humorously-pathetic  character.  He  should  carry  himself  with 
a  deferential  air,  and  do  much  bowing  and  smiling. 

Fateddo.  A  gruff  yet  breezy  personage.  The  stouter  the  better.  In 
reality,  he  is  a  mixture  of  two  of  the  best-known  characters  in  "The  Mikado"— 
Pooh  Bah  and  the  Mikado  himself.  Bearing  this  in  mind,  the  impersonator  of 
Fateddo  will  readily  grasp  the  possibilities  of  this  part. 

KNOGUDI.  A  calm,  unexcitable  person,  who  speaks  and  takes  everything 
coolly,  yet  with  a  pessimistic  attitude.  A  sort  of  dreamer  who  seeks  the  unattain- 
able and  realizes  his  helplessness. 

Harry  Cortcase.  The  typical  smart  young  business  man  of  the  U.  S. 
A.     Jolly,  breezy  and  good-natured. 

O  SlNG-A-SoNG.  The  possibilities  of  this  part  are  great.  It  should  be  played 
by  a  person  short  of  stature — and  of  course,  the  prettier  the  better!  In  the  first 
Act  she  must  be  demure,  sweet  and  ingenuous  to  a  degree.  In  Act  II,  she  has 
progressed  and  is  smart  and  chic  and  worldly-wise,  but  still  as  sweet  as  ever. 

KlSSIMEE.  A  cheerful  character,  of  the  regular  soubrette  type.  Pert  and 
practical. 

Tung-Waga.  Great  care  should  be  exercised  in  the  selection  of  the  per- 
son to  play  this  part.  She  is  a  second  "Katisha"  and  should  certainly  make  up  to 
look  as  "scraggy"  as  possible.  A  tall,  thin  individual,  with  rather  a  deep,  hollow 
speaking  voice,  will  be  most  acceptable. 

Hilda  and  Stella.  Smart  but  rather  "silly"  American  young  ladies. 
Lots  of  good  looks  but  not  too  many  brains !  ^^.^ 

3074^33 

/ 


YOKOHAMA    MAID 


ACT  I. 

Scene:  Garden  of  Sing-a-Song's  house  in  the  suburbs  of  Yokohama. 
(This  scene  should  open  with  lights  up,  gradually)  lowering  them  during  the  sinfr 
ing  of  No.  I,  until  the  finish  of  the  chorus  which  is  sung  with  stage  hai, 
darkened. ) 

No.  I.    THE  HERALD'S  SONG  (Takasi). 

RECIT. 
Listen,  O  ye  people,  to  a  tale  of  old  Japan ! 
It  never  really  happened,  but  'twas  this  way  it  began: 

SONG 
In  old  Japan  there  lived  a  man, 

His  name  I  don't  remember — 
But  he  married  a  maid,  and  I'm  afraid 
'Twas  a  case  of  May  and  December. 
Oh,  she  lived  but  a  year;  then  upon  her  bier 

Away  to  her  grave  they  bore  her; 
But  she  left,  if  you  please,  a  little  Japanese 
To  carry  the  tale  on  for  her. 

[Chorus  Behind  Scene  J 
O  Sing-a-Song  v 

(O  Sing-a-Song) 
Was  the  baby's  name. 

(Was  the  baby's  name.) 
O  Sing-a-Song 

(O  Sing-a-Song) 
Like  the  sunshine  came 

(Like  the  sunshine  cams.) 
And  now  you'll  see 
..  (Yes,  now  you'll  see) 

y  Kings  bell  por  yOUrselves>  ding-dong, 

he  carries)  (Ding-dong,  ding-dong)    (bells) 

What  afterwards  happened  to 
this  Japanese  maid, — 
O  Sing- 

(O  Sing-) 

a-Song ! 

(Lights   up  suddenly  at  conclusion   of  No.    1.) 
(Enter  Chorus  of  Young  Men  and  Maidens  to  Music.     Takasi  in  Center.) 

No.  2.    CHORUS. 


Girls 


Men 


O  Sing-a-Song  is  sweet  sixteen 

To-day,  to-day. 
O  merry  birthday  bells  ring  out, 

So  gay,  so  gay! 
Oh,  the  world  would  be  so  happy  to  a  maiden's  heart 
If  old  Time  on  his  scythe  would  lean — 
And  never  count  another  year, 
Nor  let  new  calendars  appear, — 
When  a  maiden's  reached  sixteen! 

Sing  a  song  of  Sing-a-Song, 

Yokohama  maid. 
Pretty  little  lady,  she  is  not  afraid — 


YOKOHAMA    MAID 


Girls 

Men 

All 


Not  afraid  of  what,  you  say? 
Why  pause  at  this  stage? 

Sing-a-Song  is  not  afraid 
To  tell  her  age! 

Ha,  ha,  ha,  ha,  ha,  ha,  ha! 
O  Sing-a-Song  is  sweet  sixteen 
To-day,  today, 

(Etc.) 

(Enter  Tung-Waga,  centre  back) 

Tung-Waga.  My  young  mistress  bids  you  all  welcome.  At  least,  she 
bids  me  bid  you  all  welcome. 

GlRLS.     Where  is  she? 

Men.     Yes,  why  is  she  not  here? 

Tung-Waga.  Because  you  are  early  and  she  is  late.  Your  curiosity  to 
see  her  has  brought  you  here  before  your  time,  and  her  desire  to  satisfy  your  curi- 
osity has  kept  her  to  her  mirror  too  long. 

Takasi.  Surely  O  Sing-a-Song  has  no  need  to  waste  much  time  in  trying 
to  improve  on  Nature's  handiwork?     She  is  beautiful  enough! 

Tung-Waga.  Much  you  know  about  it,  Herald.  The  most  beautiful 
woman  in  the  world  may  be  much  obliged  to  Nature  for  her  kindness,  but  at  the 
same  time,  she  knows  a  thing  or  two  herself,  and  puts  them  into  practice. 

Takasi.     What  mean  you? 

Tung-Waga.  I  mean  it's  a  pity  Dame  Nature  don't  read  the  magazines 
and  the  Ladies'  Pages  in  the  newspapers.  If  she  did,  she'd  be  so  full  of  hints  as 
to  what  to  do,  that  every  woman  she  had  a  hand  in  making  would  be  perfect — in 
fact,  so  perfect  that  the  world  would  grow  tired  of  'em.  Men  would  welcome 
a  change.  They'd  search  for  the  commonplace  and  welcome  the  ugly.  They'd 
even  welcome  me  / 

All  (laughing).     Poor  Tung-Waga! 

Tung-Waga.  Poor  Tung-Waga,  indeed!  But  despite  Nature's  care- 
lessness in  nearly  ruining  me  from  the  start,  I  believe  I'd  still  have  had  a  chance 
for  beauty  had  the  Woman's  Page  been  invented  fifty  years  ago! 

No.   3.     SONG   (Tung-Waga.) 

All  wrinkled  is  the  yellow  cheek. 

My  nose  is  getting  hooked — 
For  a  niche  in  the  walls 
Of  Oblivion's  halls 

I  fear  I'm  booked. 
Dim  is  my  eye  and  grey  my  hair, 
For  which  misfortunes  I  hardly  care, — - 
But  had  I  been  born  at  a  later  date, 
No  doubt  I  could  have  controlled  my  fate. 

O,  powder  puff! 

O,  sweet  cold  cream! 

Without  your  help 

Life    a    curse   would    seem. 

O,  dainty  rouge! 

O,  fifty  cent  massage! 


YOKOHAMA    MAID 


Had  I  but  known 

The  powers  you  own, 
I  would  have  begged  my  parents  to 
Postpone  their  marriage  a  decade  or  two! 

(Chorus  repeats  refrain) 

(Enter  Faleddo  and  Knogudi.      The  people  crowd  around^  Fateddo.) 

Fateddo.  Back!  Back,  I  say!  Do  you  not  know  the  respect  due  to  a 
Mayor? 

(Crowd  falls  back) 

That's  better.  You  don't  seem  to  realize  my  greatness.  That's  the  trouble 
with  the  common  people.     They  have  no  imagination. 

(Knogudi  whispers  to  Fateddo) 

FaTEDDO.  That's  it!  (Turns  to  crowd)  Kneel  down!  Abase  your- 
selves! I  am  the  Mayor!  (They  all  kneel).  That's  O.  K.  Now  you  know 
how  great  I  am.     It's  wonderful  how  humble  you  feel  when  you're  on  your  knees ! 

Tung-Waga.     Your  Fussiness,  I  would  crave  leave  to  rise. 

FaTEDDO.  You're  always  craving.  (Aside)  The  woman'll  be  craving 
me  next. 

KNOGUDI.     She  is  well-nigh  hopeless,  master! 

Tung-Waga.    I  crave — 

Fateddo.     Oh,  hang  your  craving!     Why  should  you  wish  to  rise? 

Tung-Waga.     I  am  suffering  from  housemaid's  knee.      (She  rises.) 

Fateddo.  Very  well.  I  don't  know  what  that  may  be,  but  if  it's  any 
worse  than  writer's  cramp,  you  have  my  sympathy.  I  have  been  signing  my  name 
to  so  many  political  appointments,  I  am  positively  paralyzed  with  paroxysms  of 
palsy.  Really,  I  had  no  idea  how  many  friends  I  had  until  I  found  the  number 
of  political  vacancies  I  was  expected  to  fill. 

(All  rise  from  frnees) 

Down  on  your  knees,  you  insignificant  voters!     How  dare  you 

Takasi.  Your  Mistakenness,  here  is  where  you  take  a  back  seat.  The 
hostess  approacheth ! 

Fateddo.  Good !  Now  perhaps  we'll  get  something  to  chew  besides  the 
rag. 

No.  4.    CHORUS. 

Sing  a  song  as  Sing-a-Song  approaches, 

'Tis  her  natal  day! 
(MEN  ONLY)  (Tis  her  natal  day!) 

May  the  sunshine  of  her  sixteenth  birthday 

Shine  on  her  alway! 
Joy  and  riches  ever  be  her  portion. 

Grief  and  sorrow  ever  be  unknown 

Sing  a  song  as  Sing-a-Song  approaches 

In  full  beauty  blown! 
O  Sing-a-Song  is  sweet  sixteen 

To-day,  to-day, 

(Etc.) 

(Enter  Sing-a-Song  and  Kissimee) 

SING-A-SONG.     Yes,  dear  friends,  I'm  sixteen  to-day,  and  I  care  not  who 
knows  it! 

Tung-Waga.     A  woman  should  never  tell  her  age. 

SlNG-A-SoNG.     Even  a  woman  must  speak  the  truth  sometimes,  you  know 
Uear  old  nurse!      You  don  t  mind  telling  your  age,  do  you? 


YOKOHAMA    MAID 


Tung-Waga.     I'm  so  old  it  doesn't  matter. 

SlNG-A-SoNG.  And  I  am  so  young,  it  doesn't  matter!  Now,  good  peo- 
ple, enjoy  yourselves.     Do  what  you  will. 

Tung-Waga.     Yes,  go  as  far  as  you  like. 

FATEDDO.     The  farther  they  go,  the  better  'twill  please  me. 

.1    (All  stroll  off,  R.  and  L.,  except  Sing-a-Song,  Kissimee  and  Fateddo. 

n   ^+4_^>-  Knogudi  exits  last,  L.  U.) 

FATEDDO  (calls  to  Knogudi).     Stay,  you!     I  shall  need  you. 

(Knogudi  pauses  inquiringly) 

Kissimee  (to  Sing-a-Song) .    Shall  I ? 

SlNG-A-SoNG  (mocking  Fateddo).  Stay,  you!  I  shall  need  you!  (To 
Fateddo)  Well,  sir,  and  why  don't  you,  too,  go  and  enjoy  yourself? 

KlSSIMEE  (points  left).     The  bar  is  over  there,  your  Dryness! 

FATEDDO.  That  bar,  young  lady,  would  be  a  bar  to  my  enjoyment  just 
at  this  moment.     (To  Sing-a-Song.)     Listen  to  me,  love  of  my  life. 

SlNG-A-SoNG.  Love  of  your  life!  What  mean  you  by  such  flowery 
familiarity  ? 

FATEDDO.     May  not  a  man  speak  thus  with  his  betrothed? 

SlNG-A-SoNG.  Assuredly.  But  she  is  not  here.  Kissimee,  where  went 
Tung-Waga? 

FATEDDO.  Tung-Waga  be  hanged!  'Tis  you,  Sing-a-Song,  that  art  my 
betrothed. 

SlNG-A-SoNG  (coldly).     Since  when? 

FATEDDO.  Since  your  poor  papa  popped  off,  my  dear.  Your  period  of 
mourning  for  that  lamentable  event  being  over  to-day,  it  is  my  pleasant  duty  to 
read  you  your  popped-off  papa's  will. 

KNOGUDI.  Your  Ignorance  will  permit  me  to  remind  you  that  you  can- 
not read. 

FATEDDO.  True.  I  will  not  descend  to  the  vulgar  attainments  of  the 
hoi  polloi. 

SlNG-A-SoNG.     Oh,  what  is  all  this  nonsense?     Pray  proceed. 

FATEDDO  (to  Knogudi).     Read  the  will,  will  you? 

KNOGUDI.  I  will,  willingly.  (Produces  paper.  He  fumbles  with  it, 
looking  for  the  portion  he  wants.)  Ah,  here  is  the  passage!  (Reads.)  ". 
And  all  my  wealth  and  all  my  possessions,  amounting  to  more  than  I  have  time 
to  count  or  life  to  enjoy,  I  give  and  bequeath  to  my  daughter,  O  Sing-a-Song, 
to  be  hers  absolutely  on  her  1  8th  birthday.  No  conditions,  save  one,  are  attached 
to  this  bequest.  It  is  that  on  that  same  1  8th  birthday,  my  daughter,  O  Sing-a- 
Song,  be  willing  to  give  herself  in  marriage  to  Fateddo,  my  estimable  but  somewhat 
uncultivated  friend,  the  Mayor  of  Kybosho.  I  make  this  condition  not  because  I 
love  Fateddo,  but  because  I  wish  my  daughter  to  become  the  wife  of  a  real  live 
Mayor.     Fateddo  is  the  only  unmarried  Mayor  I  know." 

Fateddo.  There  you  are!  Plain  as  a  pikestaff.  Come,  my  blushing 
bride-to-be,  come  to  your  faithful  Fateddo's  bosom! 

Sing-A-Song.  Never !  There  must  be  some  mistake.  Give  me  that  will ! 
(Snatches  it  from  Knogudi  and  exits  hurriedly.     R.  U.). 

Knogudi  (gravely).  Your  Carelessness,  was  it  not  imprudent  to  allow 
the  young  lady  to  run  off  with  the  will? 

FATEDDO.  Pooh,  pooh,  young  man!  You  over-rate  my  imbecility. 
The  original  of  that  will  lies  safe  and  sound  in  a  sound  safe!  The  wilful  hussy  is 
welcome  to  the  copy  she  ran  off  with. 

KlSSIMEE.  I  fear,  sir,  you  approached  the  subject  of  your  love  too 
abruptly!     A  girl  likes  to  be  Tvooed  into  marriage,  not  shoo' a  into  it! 

KNOGUDI  (aside).     I  wonder  if  I  dare  consider  that  as  encouraging! 


8 


YOKOHAMA    MAID 


KlSSIMEE. 


Knogudi. 


Together. 


Fateddo  (ruefully).  That's  the  trouble  with  women!  They're  so  coy. 
Well,  she'll  come  round,  and  see  the  folly  of  objections.  Meantime,  I  think  I 
hear  the  moaning  of  the  bar.      (Exits  L.  ) . 

KlSSIMEE.     Oh,  is  it  not  dreadful? 

Knogudi  (gazing  after  Sing-a-Song) .  It  is  indeed.  It  breaks  my 
heart. 

KlSSIMEE  (aside).  Ah.  me!  My  heart  is  breaking  also!  (To  Knogudi.) 
And  do  you  love  with  love  unrequited? 

Knogudi.     Alas,  yes!      'Tis  hopeless. 

KlSSIMEE.  Alas,  yes!  (Lool(s  at  him  appealingly)  'Tis  hopeless! 
(Sighs.) 

No.  5.     DUET  (Kissimee  and  Knogudi) 

When  maiden   falls  in  love  she  thinks 

That  Love's  a  welcome  guest; 
She  opens  wide  her  tender  heart, 
To  welcome  him  she  does  her  part 
With  joyful  zest! 

But  what's  a  fellow  going  to  do 

When  hopelessly  he's  stranded, 
Because  he  finds  his  welcome  guest 

Comes  to  him  empty-handed? 

A  welcome  guest  is  love  to  all, 
As  some  day  you'll  discover, — 
But  what's  the  use  of  such  a  guest 
Who  brings  you  love,  and  then,  in  jest. 
He  takes  away  your  lover? 

Love  unrequited ! 

'Tis  bitter-sweet  to  taste! 

Oh,  many  a  life  and  many  a  love 

Have  gone  to  waste 
Through  unrequited  love! 

(Both  exeunt  R.  and  L.) 

(Enter  Sing-a-Song — Bacfy  Center) 

SlNG-A-SoNG.  Father  must  have  been  mad  when  he  made  that  will.  I 
don't  know  what  to  do.  I  feel  like  giving  up  all  the  wealth  and  possessions  and 
running  away.  Let  me  think.  (She  pauses,  in  puzzled,  wondering  attituie. 
Music.) 

No.  6.     SONG   (Sing-a-Song) 

When  a  maiden's  sweet  sixteen 

She's  standing  on  the  brink 
Of  womanhood  and  all  that's  good, 

And  'tis  time  for  her  to  think. 

So  let  me  get  my  thinking  cap  all  fixed 

And  stuck  fast  on  my  head: 
Oh,  the  more  I  think,  the  more  I  get  all  mixed,— 
And  I  wish  that  I  were  dead! 
Oh,  me!  Oh,  my! 
1  wish  that  I  were  dead! 
No,  I  don't! 


YOKOHAMA    MAID 


For  this  is  a  case  of  a  will  that's  left. 

Which  proves  that  the  will's  not  right; 
And  there  must  be  a  way  to  find  escape 
From  a  marriage  to  that  silly  old  fright! 
Ah,  yes,  I  have  it!     I  know  'twill  come! 
An  idea  will  strike  me  one  day! 
Oh,  I'll  find  a  sure  way  out, 
For  there's  not  the  slightest  doubt 
That  where  there's  a  will,  there's  a  way! 

(Enter  Fateddo,   L.) 

FaTEDDO  (facetiously) .     Ah,  there  she  was! 

SlNG-A-SoNG.      Beg  pardon? 

FaTEDDO.     There  you  are,  I  say. 

SlNG-A-SoNG.     Pardon  me.     You  said.     "There  she  was." 

FaTEDDO  (to  audience).  Well,  she  was  there,  wasn't  she?  (To  Sing-a- 
Song).  Listen,  you  little  lumpy  lollypop.  Are  you  resigned  to  be  married  to  rat 
two  years  from  to-day  ? 

SlNG-A-SoNG  (curtseying) .  I  are.  (Aside.)  Oh,  the  idea  will  come,  I 
knoi»\  I'll  surely  find  a  way  out!  (To  Fateddo  curtseying  again.)  Two  years 
from  to-day ! 

FaTEDDO.  Very  well.  It's  a  long  time  to  wait,  but  so  be  it.  Even 
wine  improves  with  age,  and  women  and  wine  go  together  frequently,  I  hear. 

SlNG-A-SoNG.     Sir,  you  are  as  offensive  as  you  are  ignorant. 

FATEDDO.  My  darling!  You  speak  to  me  as  though  we  had  been 
married  a  year  or  more!  Oh!  It  is  fore-ordained.  You  will  soon  get  used  to 
being  my  wifey-pifey.     I  can  anticipate  your  line  of  conversation  already. 

SlNG-A-SoNG.      Glad  you  like  it. 

FaTEDDO.  But  you  have  still  something  to  learn.  Know  you  then,  my 
unplucked  peach-plum,  that  I  am  ambitious.     My  ambitions  soar  high! 

SlNG-A-SoNG  (standing  with  mod?  humility  under  his  outstretched  arm). 
And  yet  I  am  so  far  beneath  you ! 

FaTEDDO.  My  wife  shall  be  the  most  accomplished,  the  most  talked-of 
woman  in  Japan.  She  must  know  everything.  In  order  to  know  everything,  it  is 
necessary  that  you  visit  America,  where  they  know  it  all.  They  will  teach  you. 
You  will  have  to  pay  for  it  in  experience  or  in  cash — they  prefer  the  latter. 

SlNG-A-SoNG.      How  delightful! 

Fateddo.    What's  that? 

SlNG-A-SoNG.     The  trip,  dear  Betrothed — (grimaces) — the  trip! 

FaTEDDO.  Oh,  the  trip.  Yes,  yes.  I  shall  (pompously)  be  glad  to  pay 
the  entire  expenses  of  this  trip  for  you,,  and  you  can  go  the  limit.  I  shall  expect 
you  back  two  years  from  to-day,  when  we  shall  celebrate  our  nuptials. 

SlNG-A-SoNG.     Oh,  won't  that  be  fun! 

FaTEDDO.     Fun!     These  women  have  a  strange  sense  of  humor. 

SlNG-A-SoNG.     And  can  I  go  where  I  like  and  learn  what  I  like? 

FaTEDDO.  You  can.  I  wish  you  to  know  everything  these  Americans 
can  teach  you. 

SlNG-A-SoNG.     Oh,  sir,  that  would  take  a  lifetime,  it  seems  to  me! 

FaTEDDO.  Nonsense.  Remember  you  will  be  the  most  talked-of  woman 
in  Japan.  The  Mayoress  of  Kybosho  will  be  the  center  of  attraction  for  all  the  eye3 
of  Nippon.     I  shall  be  correspondingly  great  by  reflection. 

SlNG-A-SoNG.  And  who  will  accompany  me  and  when  shall  I  know 
when  to  return  for  our — our — nuptials?   (grimaces). 

FaTEDDO.  You  may  take  Kissimee.  I  will  pay  her  expenses  also — 
(aside) — out  of  your  papa's  estate  when  I  get  it.  Ahem!  You  will  know  when 
to  return  when  I  stop  sending  you  any  more  money. 


10 


YOKOHAMA    MAID 


Fateddo. 

SlNG-A-SoNG. 

Fateddo. 


Both. 

Fateddo. 

Sing-a-Song. 

Both. 

SlNG-A-SoNG. 

Fateddo. 

SlNG-A-SONG. 


Both. 

Fateddo. 

Sing-a-Song. 

Both. 


No.  7.     DUET  (Sing-a-Song  and  Fateddo) 

I  shall  be  proud  of  my  Japanese  bride 
When  she  returns  in  her  beauty ! 

When  I  return  it  will  not  be  for  love, — 
Merely  an  unpleasant  duty! 

All  your  expenses  I'll  gladly  defray, 
To  borrow  the  money  I'll  soon  find  a  way; 
And  then  on  the  morning  of  our  wedding  day, 
I'll  get  all  that  papa  had  hoarded. 

Hoarded,  hoarded, 

it  ,|.    >  get  all  that  papa  had  hoarded. 

I  love  you,  my  honey — 

He's  after  my  money! 

Much  pleasure  that  will  has  afforded! 

When  I  return  I  shall  be  Japanese 
Only  because  I  was  born  here. 

Don't  forget,  pet,   I'll  be  waiting  for  you, 
Lonesome  and  oh,  so  forlorn  here ! 

Dainty  American  lady  I'll  be; 
I'll  be  so  clever,  Fateddo  will  see 
That  I  am  very  much  smarter  than  he, 
When  I  return  to  the  wedding. 

Wedding,  wedding, 
When  Sing-a-Song  comes  to  the  wedding! 

Sweet  anticipation! 

In  sheer  desperation! 


The  time  in  between  I  am  dreading! 

(DANCE  and  Exeunt} 

(Enter  Knogudi,   Kissimee  and  Tung-V/aga) 

Tung-Waga.      I  shall  insist  on  being  allowed  to  go,  too.      The  idea  of 
Sing-a-Song  taking  that  long  journey  without  her  old  nurse! 

KNOGUDI.      They   don't   want   nurses   in   America.      All    they    need   is 
chaperones. 

Tung-Waga.     And  am  I  not  homely  enough  to  be  a  chaperone? 

KlSSIMEE.     To  be  sure  you  are.     You  shall  come,  Tung-Waga.      I  will 
induce  Sing-a-Song  to  let  you. 

Tung-Waga.     And  who  will  pay  my  expenses? 

KNOGUDI.     Why,  Sing-a-Song's  dead  papa. 

Tung-Waga.    What  do  you  mean? 


YOKOHAMA    MAID 


1! 


KnoguDI.  I  mean  that  the  Mayor  is  depending  on  getting  back  all  tlje 
money  he  advances  for  this  American  trip  from  the  wealth  that  will  be  Sing-a-Song' s 
the  day  the  poor  girl  marries  him. 

KlSSIMEE.     Oh„  he's  a  deep  one,  he  is. 

Knogud*,     How  can  one  so  shallow  be  deep? 

Tung-Waga.     Well,  I  can  see  through  him  plainly  enough. 

KNOGUDI.     And  yet  he  is  as  thick  as  they  make  'em. 

(They  all  listen) 


SmG-A-Sc-NG 

Chorus  (off 


Knogudi 


KlSSIMEE 


Tung-Waga. 


SlNG-A-SONG. 

Fateddo. 

SlNG-A-SONG. 

Fateddo. 
Omnes. 


No.  8.    FINALE. 

(singing  off  stage) 

Good-bye,  home  of  my  childhood. 
Good-bye ! 
stage) 
—    — •  Good-bye,  good-bye, 

O  Sing-a-Song  is  leaving  home, 

(Enter  Chorus,  slowly)    — 

In  foreign  countries  far  to  roam. 
And  we  must  bid  good-bye  to  her, 
Good-bye  to  Sing-a-Song! 
Trio — Kissimee,  Tung-Waga  and  Knogudi. 

Alas !  no  one  will  shed  a  tear, 
Although  my  heart  is  breaking! 
I've  loved  her  so  for  many  a  year. 
For  her  heart  mine  is  aching. 

Oh,  blind  is  love!      He  cannot  see 
Another  heart  so  tender 
That  waits  for  him  and  prays  that  he 
May  some  sweet  day  surrender ! 

I'll  take  a  chance  and  hustle  off 
To  pack  my  little  grip,  O ! 
For  if  I  don't,  I  certainly  won't 
Be  ready  for  this  trip,  O ! 
(Repeat  in  unison,  each  one  his  or  her  version) 
(Exit  Tung-Waga) 
(Enter  Sing-a-Song  and  Fateddo) 

Now,  go!     I've  had  enough  of  you; 
Your  style  of  wooing's  clumsy ! 

I  cannot  get  enough  of  you. 
My  pinky  Plumsy-wumsy ! 

In  two  more  years,  this  very  day, 
I  shall  be  home  again — 

As  Mayoress  of  Kybosho,  you 
Supreme  in  power  shall  reign! 

Oh,  she'll  be  the  Mayoress, — 
What  joy  to  her  'twill  bring! 


QjL+^oi^4s  ^nM^u 


12 


YOKOHAMA    MAID 


For  the  Mayor  will  come 
With  the  big  bass  drum. 
And  to  the  music's  martial  hum, 
Though  the  bride  be  blue  and  the  bride  be  glum. 
He'll  give  her  a  wedding  ring! 

KNOGUDI  (kneeling  to  Sing-a-Song). 

Farewell,  O  Sing-a-Song,  my  heart  is  yearning 
To  take  you  in  my  arms  and  say  adieu! 


SlNG-A-SoNG. 
KlSSIMEE. 

Knogudi. 


Fateddo. 


What,  you! 

'Tis  true! 

My  love  is  as  a  lane  without  a  turning, 
And  at  the  end  all  I  can  see  is  you! 
Farewell !     Think  of  me  kindly ; 
Forgive,  forget — 'twas  not  my  fault, — 
I  loved  but  blindly ! 

(h/e  releases  Sing-a-Song' s  hand  and  rises.} 

What's  all  this  fuss 
That's  making  us 

The  centre  of  attraction? 
It's  very  plain 
To  catch  that  train 

We'll  have  to  get  some  action. 

(Enter  Tung-Waga  with  dilapidated  grip} 
Fateddo  (to  Tung-Waga). 

And  what's  that  junk? 

Tung-Waga. 

Why,  that's  my  trunk. 
I'll  chaperone  this  party! 

(Fateddo  shows  signs  of  annoyanct) 

Now,  don't  give  way ! 

Two    years    to-day 

We'll  be  back  hale  and  hearty ! 


SlNG-A-SoNG. 

Omnes. 

SlNG-A-SoNG. 

Omnes. 

SlNG-A-SoNG. 

Omnes. 


Good-bye,   dear  home,   good-bye! 

Good-bye,  O  Sing-a-Song! 

Good-bye,  Japan,  good-bye! 

Good-bye,  Japan,  good-bye! 

And  when  two  years  have  passed  away. 
Upon  my  eighteenth  natal  day 
I  shall  come  back  to  you! 

She  will  come  back  to  us — 
And  old  Japan! 


YOKOHAMA    MAID  13 


(PICTURE.  O  S'mg-a-Song,  with  hands  outstretched,  bidding  adieu  to 
friends  mho  surround  her,  turning  her  head  away  disdainfully  from  Fateddo,  who 
tries  to  secure  her  attention  in  clumsy  fashion.  Knogudi,  with  arms  appealingly 
out-stretched  toward  Sing-a-Song ;  and  Kissimee  kneeling,  pissing  good-bye  to  the 
hem  of  Knogudi  s  garment.  Tung-Waga  standing  stern  and  erect  with  her  "grip," 
attempting  to  pull  Kissimee  on  to  her  feet.) 

END  OF  ACT  I. 


ACT  II. 

SCENE:     Grounds  of  the  Mayor's  residence  at  Kybosho. 
(See  Special  Note  in  regard  to  Scenery  on  Page  2) 
a  a     Crowd  of  Wedding  Guests   and   Merry-Makers  discovered. 

^X^L   eA-tM^w        No  9     OPENING  CHORUS. 

fry^s     AA-A-^aA-s         Waiting  expectantly  for  the  bride, 
j  J  Under  the  cherry  blossoms. 

\j  Will  she  come 

Sad  and  glum, 
Will  she  her  heavy  heart  hide? 
Sweet  wedding  bells   that   ring  to-day 
Should  bring  to-day 
Nothing  to-day, — 
Yes,  nothing  but  pleasure 
In  generous  measure 

Sweet  wedding  bells  should  bring. 

(Enter  Muvon  Yu,  Centre) 
No.  9a.    MUVON  YU  (Recit) 

Attention  ye!     And  don't  become  excited — 
Assume  ye  all  a  facial  expression  that's  delighted' 

And  if  you  think  the  bride  deserves 

Your  sorrow  sympathetic, 
You'll  simply  rouse  the  Mayor's  ire 
To  point  that's  paraletic. 
That  is  the  law — 
I  must  uphold  it! 
That's  what  I'm  for — 
You  might  have  told  it! 

For  everything  I  know  in  law 

Is  positively  lawful, — 
Except  maybe  your  mother-in-law™- 

And  even  they're  al/  awful! 

No.  9b.     CHORUS. 

Waiting  expectantly  for  the  bride 
Under  the  cherry  blossoms. 

Etc. 

(Chorus  take  positions  on  each  side  of  stage,  in  crescent  formation) 


Solo. 


14  YOKOHAMA    MAID 


MUSIC. 

CHORUS.  Here  comes  the  Mayor1 

His  servants  bear 
Him  in  his  chair — 
No  single  care 
Lies  anywhere 
From  feet  to  hair 
Upon  the  Mayor. 
We  hardly  dare 
Stay  anywhere 
Within  the  glare 
And   awful   stare 
Of  our  dear  Mayor. 
Here  comes  the  Mayor! 
Here  comes  the  Mayor! 

('Enter.  Centre.  Two  Bearers  with  Chair  in  Which  Fateddo  is  seated.) 

FATEDDO.  That'll  do.  That'll  do.  This  "Here  comes  the  Mayor" 
business  gets  on  my  nerves.     The  Mayor  has  came,  and  we'lllet  it  go  at  that. 

KNOGUDI.  To-day  Kybosho  will  have  a  Mayoress  at  last!  (He  $ighs 
heavily) . 

FATEDDO  (to  Knogudi).  What's  the  trouble?  You  sigh  as  if  you 
envied  me.  Well,  I  suppose  I  ought  to  be  envied.  All  is  prepared  for  my  bride — 
the  honeymoon  trip  is  all  planned.  We  will  have  a  gorgeous  time,  and  then  I  will 
bring  my  bridey-widey  back  to  the  sweet  nest  I  have  prepared  for  her 

KNOGUDI.     A  Mayor's  nest! 

FATEDDO  (ecstatically).  And  to-morrow  I  shall  be  rich!  All  the  wealth 
that  her  shrewd  old  papa  left  will  be  mine !  She  wHl  be  mine !  The  whole  world 
will  be  mine!     Glorious! 

(Enter  Ah  No,  Left) 

FATEDDO.     Who  are  you,  you  pig-tailed  popinjay? 

Ah  No.  A  stlanger  in  a  stlange  countlee.  Me  Chinaman — 'Melican 
Chinaman.     Hyphenated  Chinaman. 

FATEDDO.     What  breed  of  Oriental  perversity  is  that?     What  do  you  do? 

Ah  No.     Muchee  washee  in  'Melica. 

Fateddo.     Ah.     Muvon  Yu,  come  here. 

(Muvon   Yu  approaches.     Fateddo   whispers  to  him) 

MUVON  Yu  (to  Ah  No).  His  washup,  the  Mayor,  says  you'd  best  not 
try  to  wash  any  of  your  dirty  linen  in  public  here. 

Ah  No.  Me  toulist  only  now.  Wentee  home  to  China.  Chinaman  they 
not  lecognise  Ah  No.  Me  'Melican.  Chinaman  at  home  no  washee.  Too  on- 
diggle-ified ! 

FATEDDO.     What  did  you  ever  leave  America  for? 

Ah  No.   Too  muchee  washee,  too  little  money.   'Melican  lady  keep  Ah  No 
waiting  too  muchee   long   for   laundly  bills.      I   ask   money    for  muchee  work. 
'Melican  lady  she  say,  "Ah,  no!     Ah  No."     'Melican  lady  expect  Chinaman  glad 
to  work  for  his  health. 

Fateddo.    Well  ? 

Ah  No.  So  Ah  No  went  to  foreign  settlement  in  China.  No  Chinee  or 
foreign  man  lecognise  Ah  No — too  much  hyphen,  they  say.  Big  fat  German  he 
say,  "Louse  mit  you!"  I  say,  "Louse  mit  you — what  is  that?"  Big  fat  German 
and  Chinaman  they  show  me — muchee  big  kickee  me  out. 

Fateddo  (in  disgust).  Get  out  o'  here,  too.  Back  to  your  tub  and  your 
ironing  board! 

Ah  No.  Not  so.  I  go  to  Hong-Kong  to  see  one  li'l  Chinee  girl — my 
Suki  Tong. 


YOKOHAMA    MAID  15 


No.  10.    SONG  (Ah  No) 

Little  Chinee  maid  is  Suki  Tong 
She  belong 
To  Hong-Kong. 
'Neath  the  shady  branches  of  a  tree. 
Making  tea 
For  me. 
Suki  Tong  would  makee  tea  while  I  was  making  love. 

Heavenward  she  would  carry  me ! 
Suki  Tong,  while  twinkling  stars  were  peeping  up  above, 
Promised  she  would  marry  me. 
I  can  hear  her  gentle  little  sigh 
As  she  raised  her  lips  to  kiss  good-bye. 

Ah,  how  I  long 

For  old  Hong-Kong, 

To  sing  my  song 

To  Suki  Tong! 

And  very  soon 

A  honeymoon 

Will    see   me    going   strong 

With  Suki  Tong 

In  old  Hong-Kong! 

(Chorus  Repeats) 

I'm  so  tired  of  all  the  great  White  Ways, 

Cheap  cafes, 

Cabarets. 
Far  away  from  here  my  heart  would  be, 

O'er  the  deep 

Blue  sea! 
Jiaking  love  and  drinking  tea  with  little  Suki  Tong, 

Dainty,  little  tiny  girl! 
Waiting  for  the  wedding  bells  to  ring-a-ding-a-dong 

For  me  and  my  Chinee  girl ! 

I  can  hear  her  gentle  little  sigh 

When  she  nestles  to  me  by  and  by! 
Ah,  how  I  long 
For  old  Hong  Kong, 

Etc. 

(Chorus  Repeats) 

(Exeunt  Ah  No  and  Chorus.  During  the  remainder  of  the  Act,  Muvon  Yu 
ihould  stroll  in  and  out  at  intervals,  looking  important,  and  flourishing  his  club.) 

FaTEDDO.  Well,  I'm  glad  he's  gone.  (Sings.)  "And  very  soon  a 
honeymoon  will  see  me  going  strong" — Hello!  Well,  look  who's  here!  The 
advance   guard   of   the  bride!       (Looks   at   his   time-piece.)      Right   on   the   dot! 

(Enter  Tung-Waga  and  Kissimee  rvith  much  baggage.  The})  shake  hands 
rvith  many  of  the  crowd.  Both  are  dressed  in  exaggerated  American  costumes. 
During  this  time,  SinS-a-Son^s  voice  is  heard  off  humming  the  refrain  of  "Suki 
Tong."  Fateddo  stands  listening  expectantly,  his  hand  to  his  ear,  a  greedy  smile 
on  his  face.     The  refrain  sounds  nearer  and  nearer,  then  enter  Sing-a-Song.) 


16  YOKOHAMA    MAID 


No.   11.     SONG   (Sing-a-Song) 

Back  again  to  old  Japan, 

Dear  Japan,  fair  Japan! 
Lands  more  beautiful  than  thou 

Are  not  anywhere,  Japan! 
For  your  beauties  and  your  charms 

I've  been  advertiser — 
Tho'  but  two  short  years  have  gone, 

I'm  a  century  wiser! 

Back  again  to  old  Japan, 

Etc. 

(To  Fated  Jo) 

And  are  you  here  to  claim  your  bride? 
And  think  you  you'll  be  satisfied? 

O  Sing-a-Song,   though  the  time  has  been  long, 

You'll  be  happy  now ! 
Eighteen  to-day,  and  a  bridal  wreath  gay 

On  your  dainty  brow! 

Oh,  happiness,  be  mine! 

Take  me  and  keep  my  heart! 
Keep  it  ever  close  to  his. 

Tear  not  love  apart! 

Back  again  to  old  Japan, 
Dear  Japan,  fair  Japan! 

Etc. 

FATEDDO  (swelling  with  pride).  Well,  well,  well!  This  is  great,  my 
sugar  plum.  You  are  the  apple  of  my  eye,  the  peach  of  peaches,  the  pick  of  the 
basket — the  whole  fruit  of  the  orchard,  in  fact! 

SiNG-A-SoNG.  Cut  out  that  hot  air  if  you  want  to  make  a  hit  with  me. 
In  other  words,  don't  try  to  "con"  me. 

FATEDDO  (astonished) .  By  the  painted  gods  of  my  forefathers,  what  kind 
of  language  is  that,  my  angel?     I  do  not  even  understand  it. 

SlNG-A-SoNG  ( care  less  ly).  So  much  the  better.  It  might  hurt  your  feel- 
ings. Take  my  parasol,  Kissimee.  You  and  Tung-Waga  can  retire  and  re- 
fresh yourselves. 


(Exeunt  Kissimee,  Tung-Waga  and  Knogudi.) 

FaTEDDO.  But  your  accent!  And  your  costume!  Surely  you  don't 
expect  to  marry  me  in  that  extraordinary  outfit ! 

Sing-A-Song.  Why,  of  course,  if  you  insist,  I'll  change  it.  It's  my 
going-away  dress,  don't-you-know. 

Fateddo.  No,  my  fruit  compote,  I  don't  know.  I  know  we  are  going 
away — but  how  came  you  to  know  it? 

SlNG-A-SoNG.  Don't  be  too  inquisitive,  you  silly  old  Mayor.  You'll 
soon  know  all  about  everything,  and  then 

FaTEDDO  (ecstatically).  Oh,  you  unutterable  and  luscious  bunch  of 
sugar  grapes!     Come  to  my  arms! 

SlNG-A-SoNG.  All  in  good  time.  You  must  learn  to  keep  cool,  Fateddo. 
It  is  bad  form  to  make  love  in  such  gushing  fashion. 


YOKOHAMA    MAID  17 


FATEDDO.  Bad  form!  Gush!  I  cannot  love  unless  I  gush.  It  is  my 
little  way.  What  has  happened  to  my  bride  that  she  went  away  a  peach  and  re- 
turns a  crab-apple? 

SlNG-A-SoNG.  In  America  the  women  are  cold  and  haughty  when  their 
lovers  woo  them.     I  have  taken  lessons  in  everything,  including  love. 

FATEDDO.     And  who,  may  I  inquire,  was  your  teacher? 

SlNG-A-SoNG.  It  matters  little.  Perhaps  you  may  see  my  teacher  ere 
long. 

FATEDDO.  Did  he — she — your  teacher,  I  mean — teach  you  to  be  cold 
and  haughty? 

SlNG-A-SoNG.  Most  assuredly  he — she — my  teacher,  I  mean! — did.  I 
was  carefully  taught  'twas  the  only  way  to  treat  love  like  yours. 

FATEDDO.     I  refuse  to  pay  for  that  kind  of  tuition. 

SlNG-A-SoNG.     You  don't  have  to.     I  paid  for  it  myself. 

FATEDDO.     And  what  did  it  cost  you,  little  one? 

SlNG-A-SoNG.     My  heart!      (Fateddo  looks  mystified.)      But  you  don't 

• «  . » I  T 

get     me,  1  see. 

FATEDDO.  I  don't,  eh?  Well,  I've  got  you,  and  will  keep  you!  For 
two  long  years  I  have  smothered  my  impatience  and  now  I  am  ready  to  explode. 
Come, — (he  approaches  her  rvilh  arms  outstretched.) —  I  will  imprint  the  kiss  of 
possession  on  that  alabaster  brow! 

SlNG-A-SoNG.  Back  water,  back  water,  old  top!  That  is  both  improper 
in  public  and  contrary  to  all  the  ethics  of  eugenics  in  private. 

FATEDDO  (astonished).  Indeed?  And  what  are  eugenics?  Some 
species  of  blithering  idiocy,  I  do  not  doubt! 

SlNG-A-SoNG.  Some  people  think  so.  It  all  depends  on  the  point  of  view. 
But  I  have  learned  that  a  kiss,  for  example,  is  dangerous  to  health ;  and  as  you  don't 
want  a  sickly  woman  for  a  wife,  you  had  best  "can"  your  osculatory  exercises,  so 
far  as  they  may  be  directed  towards  me! 

FATEDDO  (severely).  I  regret  your  trip  abroad  exceedingly,  young  lady 
You  know  too  much.     No  one  has  ever  refused  a  kiss  from  me  before! 

No.   12.     DUET  (O  Sing-a-Song  and  Fateddo.) 
SlNG-A-SoNG. 

Oh,  what  is  a  maiden  to  do  to-day 

To  show  her  affection  so  great? 

The  laws  of  Eugenics 

Arise  like  a  Phoenix 

From  ashes  of  hopeless  Fate! 

I  long  to  allow  you 

To  do  what  just  now  you 
Suggested  with  loverlike  haste; 

But  it's  not  sanitary. 

And  I've  become  wary, — 
No  kisses  of  yours  must  I  taste! 


Together. 


Oh,  dear!     What's  the  world  a-coming  to? 

We're  getting  too  particular! 

It's  a  shocking  circumstance, 

And  you  take  an  awful  chance 
If  your  amorous  intents  you  do  not  bar. 

Bah!     Bah!     Bah! 
Oh,  dear!     What  will  soon  become  of  us> 

It's  no  use  going  on  like  this ! 

Still,  it  strengthens  one's  belief 

That  it's  wrong  to  be  a  thief 
When  it  isn't  safe  to  steal  a  kiss! 


18  YOKOHAMA    MAID 


Fateddo. 


Together. 


We'll  have  to  discover  some  kind  of  dope 
To  spray  on  a  maiden's  lips — ■ 
Or  else  we'll  abolish 
And  straightway  demolish 
All  honeymoon  future  trips  I 

Moreover,  I've  figured 

Romance  will  be  jiggered 

If  every  crank  has  his  way! 
To  the  deuce  with  all  notions 
That  stifle  emotions, — 

Let  every  dog  have  his  day ! 


Oh,  dear!     What's  the  world  a-coming  to? 

Etc. 
(Enter  Knogudi,  quietly,  R.  U.     He  remains  in  the  background.) 

(Whistling  heard  off  stage.      They  all  listen  attentively.) 

FATEDDO  (suddenly).     What  was  that? 

SlNG-A-SoNG  (smiling).     It  was  a  bird,  that  was! 

FATEDDO  (nervously).     Well,  are  you  ready? 

SlNG-A-SoNG.     Ready?     What  for? 

FATEDDO.     For  the  ceremony,  of  course. 

SlNG-A-SoNG.     But  there's  no  minister ! 

FATEDDO.  Quite  superfluous.  I  am  the  Mayor.  The  Mayor  can 
marry  anyone  he  pleases  when  and  where  he  pleases.  I  please  to  marry  myself  to 
you  now.  So  let  us  plight  our  troth  and  all  that  sort  of  thing,  you  bubbling  brook 
of  intoxicating  waters! 

(Enter  Tung-Waga  and  Kissimee,  back  stage.) 

Knogudi.    Ah!     (Sighs.) 

Fateddo  (to  Knogudi).  You  there?  Hasten,  you  dolt,  and  read  the 
ceremony  and  let's  get  it  over  with  quietly.  No  fuss.  That's  my  idea  of  a  wed- 
ding.     (He  struts  about.)     Go  ahead,  now!      (Addressing  Knogudi  impatiently).) 

KNOGUDI  (emphatically).  Never  will  I  read  the  words  that  wiri  make 
O  Sing-a-Song  the  bride  of  another! 

SlNG-A-SoNG  (coolly).     It  is  quite  unnecessary,  I  am  sure. 

FaTEDDO.  That  it  is!  I  will  officiate  at  my  own  wedding.  Here  goes: 
"If  anyone — (rvinfys) — present  has  any  objection  to  the  irrevocable  knot  now  being 
tied,  let  him  step  forward  and  object,  or  forever"     .      .      .      Heilo!     What's  this? 

(Enter  Harry,  centre,  who  dashes  in  followed  by  Hilda  and  Stella.) 
Harry.     Stop!     Look!     Listen!!! 

Fateddo.  Young  man,  I  am  all  attention.  You  i^e  rude,  but  what 
does  one  expect  ? 

Harry.     I  am  an  American ! 

FaTEDDO.     I  accept  your  apology. 

HARRY.     This  ceremony  mustn't  go  on! 

Fateddo.     Mustn't?    Indeed? 

Hilda.      No,  indeed! 

Stella.    Indeed,  no! 

Harry.     Cant  go  on! 

FaTEDDO.     Cant  go  on!      (Excitedly.)     Cant,  did  you  say? 

HlLDA.     He  did,  indeed ! 

STELLA,     indeed  he  did! 

FATEDDO.     And  why  can't  the  ceremony  proceed,  pray? 

HARRY   (triumphantly).      Because  the  bride-to-be  is  a  bride-that-was. 

FATEDDO.     What  the  devil  are  you  trying  to  say,  sir? 


YOKOHAMA    MAID  19 


Harry.  I  mean  that  O  Sing-a-Song  is  a  bride  already — the  sweetest, 
dearest  bride  in  the  world — mi?  bride,  in  fact! 

FATEDDO.     The  Devil! 

Sing-A-Song.     He's  not! 

HARRY.     Yes,  we've  been  married  three  months  now. 

SlNG-A-SoNG.  You  see,  it  wasn't  exactly  my  fault.  You  sent  me  over  to 
learn  all  the  Americans  knew,  and  I  found  it  impossible  to  get  on  to  everything 
unless  I  married  one  of  them.     This  one  wanted  me  to,  and  I  did! 

HARRY.  Yes,  and  I  think  we've  made  a  fairly  good-looking  Ameri- 
can out  of  her,  at  that!  Look  at  her!  But  it's  not  a  case  of  nationality!  What 
nationality  has  the  heart — the  soul — love  itself? 

(During  the  singing  of  the  following  number,  the  characters  on  the  stage 
at  this  time  dispose  of  themselves  as  follows '-.'—{Knogudi,  Kissimee  and  Tung-Waga) 
Wall?  together  back  stage  and  exit  slowly  in  conversation,  re-appearing  at  same  en- 
trance at  end  of  song.  (Hilda  and  Stella  argue  with  Fateddo  and  lead  him  off,  R, 
Hilda  and  Stella  returning  the  same  entrance  after  song.  Sing-a-Song  sits  at  a 
little  table,  left,  and  gazes  tenderly  at  Harry,  who  may  dng  pari  of  the  song  to 
her  direct.) 

No.    13.     BALLAD   (Harry) 

A  heart  once  went  through  the  world  alone, 

Seeking  a  mate  to  find; 
It  wandered  far  on  its  eager  quest, 
But  found  not  its  object  East  or  West, 

For  love,  they  say,  is  blind. 
And  all  around  other  hearts  were  bound 

In  coils  that  love  had  wrought: 
Here  and  there,  and  everywhere, 

Each  found  the  mate  it  sought. 
Yes,  every  heart  found  a  mate  at  last, 

As  onward  the  old  world  rolled, — 
And  every  heart  that  true  love  had  touched 

Proved , a  heart  of  purest  gold! 
'Twas  thus  my  heart  took  heart  of  grace, 

And  ceased  in  its  constant  whirl ; 
For  it  found  its  rest  in  the  tender  breast 

Of  a  dear  little  Japanese  girl! 
No.  1  3a.     QUARTETTE  (Harry,  Sing-a-Song,  Stella  and  HUa.) 

And  thus,  you  see,  it  had  to  be, 


And  soon*         \  \  two  got  married, 
we    )    ( 


The  honeymoon  was  over  soon, 
For  only  that  we  tarried. 
l"7?ie$  turn  towards  Fateddo,   who  has  entered,  R,   dejectedly.) 
The  rest  is  clear;  for  now  we're  here, 
As  you  can  plainly  see,  sir; 
Our  hearts  are  wrung  to  see  you  stung, — 
But  it  just  had  to  be,  sir! 
(Enter  Chorus,  et  ah,  singing  and  shading  forefingers  at  Fateddo  across  back  stage.) 

' ===~  No.  1 3b.    CHORUS. 

Our  hearts  are  wrung  to  see  you  stung. 

But  it  just  had  to  be,  sir! 
Hail,  bride  and  bridegroom! 

Happy,  smiling  pair! 
As  long  as  she  is  happy 
With  a  U.  S.  A.  young  chappy-^* 

We  chould  care! 


20  YOKOHAMA    MAID 


FATEDDO    (angrily).      Get   out   o'   here — all   of  you!      How  dare  you 
intrude  on  my  busted  nuptials !      Begone ! 
0  -      (Exeunt  Chorus,  singing,  "Hail,  bride  and  bridegroom,"  etc.) 

Harry.      Now,  don't  be  sore,  old  sport.     We  couldn't  help  it,  honestly. 

SlNG-A-SoNG.     No,  really  we  couldn't.     At  least,  /  couldn't! 

FaTEDDO.  Well,  I  hope  you're  satisfied,  sir.  You  have  married  a 
pauper. 

HARRY.     Pooh!     A  fig  for  that! 

FaTEDDO  (aside).     I'll  get  something  out  of  this,  anyway. 

HlLDA.     The  mercenary  wretch! 

STELLA.     Oh,  give  the  poor  man  a  chance,  my  dear. 

FATEDDO  (pompously).  The  terms  of  her  papa's  will  not  having  been 
duly  complied  with,  it  is  my  painful  duty 

Tung-Waga.      Real  pleasure,  he  means. 

FATEDDO  (with  scornful  dignity).  Silence,  woman!  (He  resumes  his 
pompous  manner)  .  .  .  my  painful  duty,  in  accordance  with  the  Kibosho  or- 
dinance I  have  this  moment  passed,  as  Mayor — (he  smacks  his  lips  with  satisfac- 
tion)— my  painful  duty,  I  say,  to  declare  the  entire  estate  and  fortune  of  said 
papa  hereby  forfeited. 

Harry  (derisively).    Ha,  ha! 

FaTEDDO  (resuming).  And  as  it  is  within  the  power  of  the  Mayor  to 
make  what  disposition  he  pleases  of  property  thus  forfeited,  it  pleases  me  to  annex 
it  myself,  which  I  hereby  do.  All  those  in  favor,  say  "Aye!" — AYE! — those  of 
a  contrary  opinion,  keep  silence. 

Hilda.     Some  Mayor. 

STELLA.     He's  a  common  get-rich-quick  schemer. 

Harry.     One  moment,  Mr.  Mayor.     Not  so  fast.     Where  is  the  will? 

FaTEDDO  (producing  the  original  will  from  his  pocket  and  flourishing  it 
triumphantly) .    Here ! 

Harry  (striding  quickly  over  to  Fateddo  and  snatching  the  document 
from  the  latter 's  hand).  Give  it  to  me!  (He  scans  it  hurriedly.)  Ah,  it  is  the 
original!  I  have  not  been  mistaken.  It  is  just  as  my  copy  says!  Ah,  ha!  It  is 
all  perfectly  correct!     (He  waves  the  will  impudently  in  Fateddo' s  jcce.) 

FaTEDDO.     Then  that  ends  the  argument. 

Harry.  On  the  contrary,  it  merely  starts  it.  Listen.  Here's  the  very 
words:        (Reading     certain     passages)      .      .      .      "No     conditions     save     one 

my  daughter  be  willing  to  give  herself  in  marriage  to  FaTeddo 
I  make  this  condition  not  because  I  love  Fateddo,  but  because  I  wish  my  daughter 
to  become  the  wife  of  a  real,  live  Mayor." 

FaTEDDO  (exultantly).     Exactly.     Precisely.     Could  anything  be  plainer? 

Harry.  Not  to  me.  In  the  first  place,  Sing-a-Song  was  willing  to  give 
herself  in  marriage  to  you  on  this  day.  She  told  me  so  herself  the  day  on  which  I 
first  read  the  will,  which  was  half-an-hour  aft*.-  i  had  led  her  to  the  altar. 

Sing-A-Song  (demurely).  Oh,  yes,  1  was  perfectly  willing,  you  know! 
The  fact  that  it  was  impossible  because  it  would  have  been  illegal,  didn't  m&kc  a 
bit  of  difference  to  my  willingness,  did  it,  Harry? 

HARRY.  No,  indeed,  pet.  (To  Fateddo.)  So  there  she  was — willing 
enough,  but  unfortunately  for  you,  prevented  from  carrying  out  dear  father's  idea 
owing  to  her  previous  marriage  to  me!  So  you  see  that  she  complied  with  the 
"willing"  clause  in  every  respect! 

SlNG-A-SoNG.     Yes,  and  I  was  here  on  my  eighteenth  birthday,  too! 

Harry  (reading  further).  "I  wish  my  daughter  to  become  the 

wife  of  a  real  live  Mayor.  Fateddo  is  the  only  unmarried  Mayor  I  know."  That's 
what  papa  decreed. 

FaTEDDO  (decidedly).  And  that  goes,  young  man,  and  don't  you  for- 
get it. 


YOKOHAMA    MAID  21 

flARRf.  Of  course  it  does.  (Reading  once  more)  ...  "I  wish 
my  daughter  to  become  the  wife  of  a  real  live  Mayor."  ...  In  my  coun- 
try I  am  a  lawyer;  and  as  they  like  to  put  a  man  who  can  juggle  with  the  law  at 
the  head  of  their  affairs  and  themselves,  the  citizens  of  Dollarsville — (proudly) 
— my  native  burg,  elected  me  Mayor  of  that  city  a  month  before  I  married  Sing- 
a-Song.     How  d'you  like  that? 

FaTEDDO  (dropping  into  a  seat).     WOW!     Stung  again! 
(Exeunt  Hilda,  Stella,  TunS-Waea  and  Knogudi,  R,  all  laughing.)   _^ 

HaRRY  (bowing  to  Faleddo  in  mockery).  So  it's  all  right,  old  chap. 
We  will  keep  papa's  estate  in  the  family,  if  you  please,  the  terms  of  the  will  having 
been  fully  complied  with,  though  not  in  the  manner  that  papa  anticipated. 

No.  1 4.    TRIO.      (Sing-a-Song,  Harry  and  Faleddo.) 

SlNG-A-SONG. 

I  am  the  Mayoress  of  Dollarsville, 
To  you,  I  know,  that's  a  bitter  pill! 
In  its  legality 
And  its  finality 
You  find  your  plans  are  reduced  to  nil! 


Harry. 


Fateddo. 


All. 


She  is  the  Mayoress  and  I'm  the  Mayor, 
Though  for  such  honors  I  don't  much  care; 

Yet  I  am  glad  I  am, 

Tho'  it's  too  bad  I  am 
Cause  of  your  angry  and  nonplussed  air! 

One  thing  is  painfully  plain,  I  see. 
You've  "put  one  over,"  no  doubt,  on  me! 

I  can't  avoid  a  bit 

Being  annoyed  a  bit — 
'Most  any  one  in  my  shoes  would  be! 


But  heigh-ho!     It  was  ever  so! 

That's  the  way  that  the  world  goes  'round: 
You  take  a  deck  of  cards  and  build 
A  house  with  hope  completely  filled — 
When  puff!      .     .      .     bang!      .     .     . 

Your  house  is  on  the  ground! 

(Dance  and  Exeunt.) 
(Enter  Tung-Waga,  Kissimee,  Knogudi,  Left;  Hilda  and  Stella,  R'ighi.) 

Tung-Waga.  We  Tiave  certainly  accomplished  a  good  job.  Our  two 
years'  trip  was  a  complete  success  from  an  educational  point  of  view. 

KlSSIMEE.     Matrimonial,  too,  I  should  say! 

Hilda.    Yes,  indeed! 

STELLA.     Indeed,  yes! 

Knogudi  (sadly).  Oh,  I  don't  know.  I  still  hoped,  but  now  it's  all 
over. 

KlSSIMEE.     I  still  hope  that  it's  just  going  to  start.     I'm  here,  anyway. 

KNOGUDI   (disconsolately).     So  I  see. 

KlSSIMEE.  Listen,  Knogudi.  I've  learned  a  thing  or  two  myself  in  Amer- 
ica. One  of  them  is  that  men  need  encouragement  from  the  girls.  So  I  am  en- 
couraging you.     Consider  yourself  encouraged. 

HlLDA.    That's  plain  enough ! 

STELLA.      Very  encouraging,  I  should  say! 

KNOGUDI  (doubtfully) .     You  mean  you  want  to  marry  me,  Kissimee? 

KlSSIMEE  (impatiently) .     Oh,  lor,  if  you  must  put  it  that  way!     Yes. 


22  YOKOHAMA    MAID 


KNOGUDI.  Kissimee.  I  am  absolutely  reckless.  Life  for  me  has  'o-jt  its 
sunshine.  She  whom  I  adored  has  married  another.  I  care  not  what  becomes  of 
me.     Therefore  I  ask  you  to  marry  me. 

KlSSIMEE  (smiling,  and  placing  hand  on  Knogudi  s  shoulder).  Very 
nicely  put,  Knogudi.     I  will  teach  you  sense. 

HlLDA.     She  will,  in  other  words,  substitute  common  sense  for  innocence. 

{Knogudi  and  Kissimee  embrace.     Enter  Faieddo  rvith  Muvon  Yu,  followed  by 

rATEDDO.     Where  are  those  two  renegades? 

(Enter  Harry  and  Sing-a-Song,  Left.) 
HARRY.     Here  we  are.     What's  the  trouble? 
SlNG-A-SoNG.      Yes.      Haven't  you  gotten  over  it  yet? 
Fateddo.     I  wish  you  to  be  tortured  with  remorse  for  the  rest  of  your 
lives.     I  desire  that  you  see  me  commit  social  suicide. 

SlNG-A-SoNG  (astonished).    What  are  you  going  to  do? 

FATEDDO.  Hear  me  pronounce  sentence  on  myself  for  my  folly  in  ever 
having  dared  to  hope  that  I  might  have  O  Sing-a-Song  for  my  bride.  Properly 
speaking,  when  a  Japanese  Mayor  makes  that  kind  of  an  ass  of  himself,  he  should 
promptly  commit  hari-kari ! 

All.     Horrors! 

FATEDDO.  But  such  an  end  is  too  good,  too  honorable  for  such  un- 
mitigated assininity  as  I  have  been  guilty  of.  A  far  more  dreadful  sentence  is  now 
about  to  be  imposed  on  me  by  myself. 

All.    Spare  yourself! 

FATEDDO.  Never!  I  hereby  declare  my  intention  of  marrying  forthwith 
the  woman,  Tung-Waga,  (pointing  tragically  at  her) — and  may  the  gods  have 
mercy  on  my  soul ! 

Tung-Waga  (wringing  her  hands).    What  have  /  done  to  deserve  this? 

No.  15.    SEXTETTE  AND  FINALE. 
(Sing-a-Song,  Harry,  Kissimee,  Knogudi,  Tung-Waga  and  Fateddo.) 

SlNG-A-SoNG. 

Wedding  bells  will  soon  be  ringing, 

Ringing  in  Japan — 
Every  lass  will  prove  successful 

Searching  for  a  man. 
I've  got  mine,  and  oh,  I  love  him  I 


Harry. 
Kissimee. 

Fateddo. 

Tung-Waga. 

All  Six. 


Yes,  I  know  you  do! 

I've  got  mine!     I  had  to  shove  him 
Ere  he  would  "come  through!" 

Wedding  bells  will  ring  for  me,  too, 
But  I  fear  they're  cracked. 

Something  else  besides  the  bells 
Soon  will  be,  that's  a  fact! 

Start  the  bells  with  music  ringing, 

Ringing  in  Japan — 
Every  lass  that's  worth  her  salt  will 

Some  day  find  a  man \ 


YOKOHAMA    MAID 


23 


FULL  CHORUS  AND  PRINCIPALS. 

O  Sing-a-Song  is  sweet  eighteen 

To-day,  to-day. 
O  merry  birthday  bells  ring  out. 

So  gay,  so  gay! 

Oh,  the  world  would  be  so  happy  to  a  maiden's  heart 
If  old  Time  on  his  scythe  would  lean — 
And  never  count  another  year 
Nor  let  new  calendars  appear, — 
When  a  maiden's  reached  eighteen ! 

Sing-a-Song  is  sweet  eighteen 
To-day,  to-day! 

(END  OF  OPERA.) 


PROPERTIES.     The  following  properties  are  required: 

Small  bell  with  tongue,  for  Herald.  Document  of  about  three  pages  to 
represent  the  will.  Several  suitcases,  one  dilapidated,  the  rest  smart  and  be- 
labelled.     A  Sedan  chair.     Policeman's  staff  or  truncheon. 


UNIVERSITY  OF  CALIFORNIA  LIBRARY 

Los  Angeles  ^Jl^L    0  5  1977 

This  book  is  DUE  on  the  last  date  stamped  below. 


Form  L9-Series4939 


I 
\ 


UCLA  -  Music  Library 

ML  50  P38Y77  1915 


MUSIC 
LIBRARY 

ML 
50 


UC  SOUTHERN  REGIONAL  LIBRARY  FACILITY 


A  A      000187  754    7 


